Title: Affection and It's Effect
Author: allmymonsters/__outdated
Rating: PG-13 for secks-age.
Word Count: 549
Characters, Pairing: Alex/Meredith (Grey's Anatomy)
Summary: It is what it is and nothing more.
Disclaimer: If I owned either of these characters, or their real life counter parts, for that matter, chances are I probably wouldn't be sitting here writing fanfiction.
Author's Note: One shot. Um. This is very vague and deep and all that good stuff. The whole thing is about teh secks, but then not really. I don't know. Hopefully someone will enjoy it. Feedback is always appreciated. :)



The first time it happens is a mistake. She finds him in the lobby with his face buried in his hands and he won't talk, won't say a word. So she takes him by his hand and leads him into a closet somewhere and kisses him. And it's nothing, at first, just a kiss, but then he kisses her back and before they know it there are clothes are strewn across the floor and he's trailing down her neck and into places that he really shouldn't be and all she can do is clutch to him, offering herself as a release for whatever is aching inside him. There are no 'I love you's', because neither of them do, and there are no apologies, because sorry is one thing they're not. It is never mentioned to anyone and never regretted. It is what it is, and nothing more.

The second time, it is heat and fire and anything but a mistake. There is alchohol on their breath and burning in their veins, and it's nothing more than her being drunk and him being innapropriate. They are not colleagues anymore, not interns; only humans. There are no scalpels in their hands or patients in their heads or life and death and all it brings. No morphine, no sutures, no numbing agents or scars. There is only them, and everything inside. It is a night of ripping out stitches and the healing of wounds and lips and limbs and the ability to get tangled so literally and metaphorically in someone else, someone that can see inside you, that can feel you. It is all it is and nothing more.

The third time, it is feeling. It is about picking themselves up and feeling things that they haven't felt in much too long. His ex-girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend are memories now, remnants of their pasts, reminders of them being left alone. The third time is about finding. It is bodies and mouths and finding that the heat between them might be more than simply warmth. The third time, she wakes up and he is still beside her, with his arm around her middle and his face buried against her shoulder. It is the beginning of something, she knows, and something in the way his chest rises beside her as he sleeps tells her that he knows, too.

The fourth time is the last before the first. It is the end of regretting and the starting of something else, something that the other three times have ultimately led them to. It is him finally saying things he couldn't before and her being willing to listen. It is time moving slowly and them not racing to beat it. The fourth time is them letting go and giving in all at the same time, all while he's kissing her and she's kissing back and he's pressing words against her ear that she couldn't hear until now. It is the undoing of mistakes and the redoing of feeling, and friction and sympathy and anger and love. It is them going deeper and deeper until they can't fall anymore. The fourth time is nothing like the other three, and everything more.